They say it’s better to have love and lost, then to have not loved at all. I thought what i had was love. and maybe i do. but i wonder, if i had never felt it, would the sense of loss and hurt be this intense? why would i want something with such a yearning if ive never had before. i could pretend and think i needed it. but ill never know the extend of my need if i had never had it.

But that said, i dont regret us. i regret us for the pain im in now. but i dont regret every memory i had with you. and indeed, i do want more memories. but thats something out of my control.

I’m putting everything away. all the physical reminders that you were once part of my life. and we’ll try being friends. but what happens then i wouldnt know.

for things to work, you need two things; chemistry and timing. i know we had the former. its just a pity the latter is never right.

i miss you baby. i hope youre safe. i’ll look forward to seeing again. but now we just mere friends.

i miss you and all i want is to hear you voice. and to feel your arms around me. i miss you baby. i really do.

I know i should stop dwelling on this. just move on. but 5 months was not a short time. 5 months, and i bared my soul to you. but you dont want me anymore so we’re done. we still want to be friends. and that i do too. but it still hurts. i miss you much. i miss being in your arms and the smell of you. i miss the way we do stupid things and watch how i met you mother. i miss you. so damn much. but we’re over. and like you said , we dont know what the future holds.

And maybe everybody is right. i should just stop trying. ive never begged. but i did for you. i feel ashamed of doing that. no one is indispensible. and neither are you. i miss you so much. but we’re done. and maybe when you come back in two weeks, itd be easier to be friends. i just hope i stop missing you. and stop wanting you by then.

It just doesn't matter anymore what i want.

i just have to get over it. and remember that nothing matters. just me.