Just because someone has it easier than you doesn't mean that they have no worries. Because, trust me, they know the luck they've been playing with might just run out at anytime.

Labels: random gibberish

I know i cant have it both ways. But I'm trying. i don't want to cut you’ll out entirely but just because i don't seem to be spending every waking moment with you’ll, you guys seem to be doing just that. i feel sad. i know everyone leaves eventually. And its not that i hate you people. You guys annoying me. and actually i really cant stand you’ll have the time. but we live together. that requires some compromise and I'm trying. So can you try too? i really don't give a fuck if I'm the girl that's bitched about( i probably will but lets pretend that i wont) . So i am just gonna push myself in here and there and get on with life. Oh and just like the way she has squeezed herself in and made this her more permanent home.

i don't understand what's going on you hostility? fine. whatever. but i don't understand it. i have issues too but i fucking try to be nice. So what fuck is wrong with you. Are you that infantile that you to give attitude this way? fuck off. if you think you are better off behaving this way, just flying fuck off. And if i were you, ill really try to stop being a bloody bitch cause seriously it’s so wtf. And i don't keep quiet this long. You’re just asking for trouble.

I feel so overwhelmed. i don't know what's with them. I feel like an bloody idiot about the whole tutor and name shit and i feel like fucking crap and its eating me up. How the fuck do i stop caring. how to hell am i supposed to let go off things and be human about it.

I feel like going home. I really feel like it. the stress here, i wish i had a way out of it.

but no. i have to stay. its not supposed to be like that. its supposed to get better. 

so why does it seem to be getting worse?

You know how you sometimes do things. And it seems a bit out of the blue of what you’d do . And then you go about the rest of your day being normal and then suddenly BAM! You fucking horrified that you actually did it. Yeah. i had one of those moments today.

I had a bms tutorial today. So my tutor (my very cute tutor) has been calling my HEEEEma for the past coupla weeks. So every time i meant to correct him i didn't. So i had actually told a friend, If he calls me that today, I'm going to tell him how it’s actually pronounced. So yeah, today i walked into class. and he went HEEE-ma. So i was gonna tell him then but he walked away already or something so i didn't really say anything.

So what do you think Hema the genius did? She waited till she was going to present, introduced her team mates and in front of the whole class goes “…. And me, its pronouced hema not HEEEma.”.

INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS. so lets face it. The class is only 14 people. Minus me and my friend, 12. So only 12 people i said it in front of right? yeah. not so bad la. But i think he was probably horrified at that moment. and it was not like i planned it. i opened my mouth the words just poured out. cant blame me right?rightttt?

Best part of it all. I was like totally cool about it all the while. until 2 hours ago. And this happen at 8 fricking am. Am i slow or am i slow uh?

So horrified. and he was cute! bleh.

Being out, at night. to socialise. Its like breathing again. A fresh intake of air. letting me feel like me.

I saw a guy who looked like Hann from Grey’s anatomy. Hot! but yeah. 

Let me reinforce the point about me being a very shallow person.

Nott<3

You. difficult to type.

YEWWWWW.

euuuuu.

eue.

fucking annoying to type.

-.-

So me being me, i think some guys are hot. So i thought this guy was hot. and i still think this guy is hot. but i swear like my title implies he’s losing that appeal that made me go breathless.

So here’s a list of things that make me lose appeal in a guy.

1) Skankiness.

I cant stand guys who are male whores. you may not be one but your attitude, seriously, yuck. so unappealing uh. You wanna act like that, get a room. like gross can?!  but yeah. you really portray a male shank. the issues with first impressions. Im not judging. but im judging. ( those unavoidable, automatic in your head thing.)

2) Vegetarianism.

I don't know why but this is a mild errr no thanks in my book. I cant imagine myself ever being vegetarian.

3) Know-It-All’s

if i wanted to know everything, I'd date a dictionary or encyclopaedia. i really would.

4) Boyism.

Face it. you’re no longer a 5 year old. Have some brains. Liking computer games is not a bad thing. Acting like the world revolves around you is.

5) Altheletic ability.

or the lack of. Call me shallow (I am. I truly am as shallow as the side walk puddle on a very warm day) but i like guys who are a little into sports. Anti soccer guys are the biggest no nos. And that you are. A guy who likes to jog. Who likes to watch soccer. Who loves the water. nice. Oh, and virtual sport is not a sport darling.

:)

I swear i must be pmsy. because I'm ready to burst into tears now.

I’ve spent my life being the youngest and no doubt about it, but ive been pampered a lot. But what ive been thankful for is that i fucking grew up with brains. Seriously. Anyway, what they say about you, its starting to seem true you know. I try to be tolerant and i try to understand. But i really cant understand people who spend 12 hours a day telling people how privilege their lives have been and how normal that is. hear this. I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK! so pampered. jeez. and apparently no one has told you you’re actually annoying.

ok hema. go back to pretending nothing happen and that this is totally normal.

I’m blogging alot today. must be in the mood man.

its so funny who speaks more English. doofus. I'm not laughing.

Im having fun here. Thank god for knowing people who go out or I'd probably shrivel up and die man. i like studying but i need a life. I went clubbing for the first time ever in Melbourne last week. some Indian event and then went to this place called the red violin. The first not to exciting but the latter i think i an just say yay! It was nice being out. cold but nice. hahaha. Then this week i actually headed to the nott with them. omg the place is nicee!! so chill out yet fun and everything just in one. and  then last we were supposed to go to VII but ended up in red violin again. I probably wouldn't mind the nott more often though.

But yah, time to hear the nerd in me. Exams and assignments and everything else due so soon! how how how? this is how, don't go out so much study more but still have a life. Don't know how I'll pull it off but can uh. =)

to do list: study, assignments, mug, get to know more people, go to the nott just because i like it, wait for gaya to arrive next week:) sounds like a plan.

What i do. every one knows it. I dont like being judge. What i do. my family knows it. and thats all that matters. Your really nobody to judge me. but if you choose to, then its your entertainment .

I feel the change.

I feel the bigger picture.

I don't necessarily see the bigger picture but i know that there's a bigger one.

And everything else doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter today because it may come tomorrow.

And when it comes, all i have to do is look beyond it and forge on.

And it will be a yesterday.

And yesterday’s don't matter today.

Only today matters.

And today, all i smell is change. 

Welcome autumn.

Today was the first day of school. OH SHIT. i think ill get through it. no matter how hard or loud or long i whine. I just have to study. No worries. I'm starting to like this place. And i think it has a lot to do with the independence of moving around on my own. I travel alone yesterday to Selvam mama’s house. I didn't get lost. Brilliant right. A bit of research , a bit of bravery and some a mask to hid my fears is all it takes to be independent. That's all. I think I'm seeing how much different life is. Yeah, you’ll miss home and yeah you don't have anyone to help you out but, you get over it and you cherish these new feelings. I have faith now. a lot of faith. I'm going to get through this. i will make it. Even if i become a popsicle do it. Its the first day of autumn and its bloodyyyy cold! Gonna freeze!

Price tags. how do things seem so cheap and then so expensive. i bought boots for $15 but i need to buy text books that are about $120 each. How now? tsk tsk.

Feel the change. Fear the change. But then just embrace it afterwards. <3

A tom cruise at every level. LOL!