I know i haven't updated super long. Haiz. Well ryte now i feel so depressed i can just jump off a cliff.

Firstly my comp got infected with a virus. It affected only my documents though. "Though" is not a good word. All my PHOTOS and songs got deleted. And fucking annoyingly could not be retrieved. gone. all just fucking gone. I feel so empty without them. I threw away all my backup Cd's recently cos i felt they were kinda outdated. And i just deleted my back up in my D drive last week thinking i can re put it in. Well this is what my laziness got me into. Lost photos. I'll always have my memories but those photos were something else all together. Every photos had a tale. even if they were taken a second apart. Those were part of my life.

Lately I've also felt more useless than usual. Nothing i do is working. Neither is it helping that people around me are moving on and wayy better off than i am. I feel like i can try so hard but its still not working.

Today, after a long time, I sat down crying. I broke down at weird places and it was pissing my off more that i couldn't control my feeling which in a freaking hell cycle made me cry even more. I cried at home. I cried even when i went to the park. I even freaking cried in the toilet. I spent like half the time in the park crying. siting away from my dad and sis. At least they had some sort of a semi balance of a good time.

I hate myself.
I hate the mistakes I'm making.
I hate that i can never do anything ryte.
I just hate me ryte now.