Ok. i promise I'm not gonna curse scream or be grumpy for this post. I know lately that's all I've been doing. at least on my blog. but seriously it's iritating and so god damn tiring la. but anyway heck that.

i reformatted the lappy again. And this time i reformatted all. The C drive and the D drive. and no I'm not gonna mope or moan about it.

tomorrow is a public holiday. yay.

The initially guy i thought i may crushing on, well I'm not really crushing on him any more. he's just my eye candy. I'm back to crushing on my old crush. the one just after my fav crush.

ahahaahah. try and make sense of it. or anti sense. hahahhaa. lame lame. just something from class.

I'm very much anoyed. Its annoying when you keep trying and someone else is just jumping to do everything before you're even done. In the end you discard all the fucking information you find so that person's work can be wonderfully used. If it happens once, fine. Nevermind. It's okay. But in the past half an hour it just happen 4 times. What the fucking cheebai nabeh hell man?!! And then they just sit down there oblivious to the fact that that person is going to get all the credit while you crash, burn and die! In the end i'm left with one slide. With bloody defination of twot erm that dont have anything to do with you're problem today.

So you ask me if i'm fine and is all good?

Yup. Everything is fine. Smashing even!

So sue me. Sue me for even trying.

P.s , Its not that i dont like you. I think you're great. I just dont like youre working style.

I am really going to crash burn and die.

You never stop trying just because someone else is flyign higher, for now.

Fuck it all. Fucking shit just fuck it bloody all la. Fuck!

god. your humor. Not funny
kill me

I quite tired and i’m feeling quite cranky. I just want to go home and sleep. I feel like nothing has been going riht much today. Haiz. Nothing went wrong but ya. I’m leaving straight after class and am going to take a cab back. Im gonna change and just sleep for a while. Its Thursday ardy. The weekend it not far away.
I think someone is cute. But i am not having a crush on him. Not really prepared for it yet. Just because I talk about a hottie doesn’t mean I’m crushing on him. So bloody hell ya. No crush yet. Ok. maybe just a little

I’m so exhausted. I had lab today and am waiting for my group’s team to present.
TIRED.TIRED.TIRED.
I want to go home and sleep. But I got DBMS briefing. Dumb. I just want to finish my work and get some rest tonight. Lab is quite fun honestly. Fell like some great psycho scientist. Okay. I already fit the psycho part but ya. Week end was a lil headache but I’m alive. And in 2 days I’m treating myself to a caramel macchioato from starbucks. Or however you spell it.

I think my brain is going to explode! I don’t know how much I can endure. But I guess I have to try. Haiz.

Tomorrow, it’s back to sch. I don’t want to think about it. For the first time in RP, I haven’t gotten any A’s at all. Yet. I’m determined to get all A’s next week. I have to aim high right. At least then I’ll work for it. I’m intending to study tomorrow after school with Ben and all. But I got to attend the SL meeting again. Mostly likely will go for SL meting the leave them at about 4 plus 5 and go find them la. I want to, Need to, MUST do well this semester. Really well.

Anyway watched street kings yesterday. The movie was ok la. Nice but very serious. There was a hottie acting though (yes! I know I’m shallow! Deal wittit) .Keanu Reeves and Chris Evans. Had Botak Jones. Yummy too. JJ

Wish me luck for next week.

8.51 am.

I’m not liking class. Hate being back in sch.

9.16 am

God kill me. I’m neither liking this nor the fact that my Lappy can’t read my SD card. Double sighs.

9.49 am.

Ok. I started talking more to my team mates. Okay la. I mean it’s just OOKay. I’m still not feeling comfortable yet. Neither am I enjoying it yet. There’s some icky white powder beneath the table. Normally I would go ahead and meet my friends. But as obvious as it is. I don’t have any to meet. Got ash and XJ but am pretty much in the whining mood so it might not be wise to meet them. My laptop can’t read SD cards and Microsoft office is kinda screwed up. So I just am praying that it helpdesk can solve all this problems without causing it any harm. Sighs. Ever since Thursday night I feel like I’ve been walking around without my limbs. It’s so over. And I can’t get it back but it still hurts. Allowing this to affect me so much is making it worse for me to accept and move on. I just hope that I don’t stay in this ditch for too long. Yesterday, for awhile, I got pretty cheered up by someone. Thanks dude. You made everything kinda less painful. And last night, as I lay myself down to sleep, the sadness started to creep back in. It wasn’t there this morning. But the moment I was in class it started again.
Bloody hell. Haiz. I hate this feeling.

1.41 pm

We got the ppt completed and the class is not so bad but inside me its just a turmoil. I need to go it helpdesk after class. And then after which I’m supposed to head down to causeway to get star bucks. Which I desperately need. I just feel so crappy this pass few days. I feel like sitting down and bawling my eyes out. A pit hole. Haiz.

11.13pm

Night has fallen. Ok yeah. A bit out dated. It fell a long time about but I was so bloody shagged after class and everything. Got my laptop fixed up. Everything is pretty much fine right now. It better stay that way. Grs. We went and ate in causeway. Then Gaya ka met me and ash for star bucks and a little treat for us. I bought this damn cool hair band that’s kind of like a scarf. Cool la. Then I bought mochi that I don’t really like. Came home had my shower and just finished my rj. Today was day 1. It should get better la. Let hope it does.
Still got 31 weeks, 4 days of school more to end yr 2. Just schooling weeks btw. Haha.

Nights. Peace out.

I know i haven't updated super long. Haiz. Well ryte now i feel so depressed i can just jump off a cliff.

Firstly my comp got infected with a virus. It affected only my documents though. "Though" is not a good word. All my PHOTOS and songs got deleted. And fucking annoyingly could not be retrieved. gone. all just fucking gone. I feel so empty without them. I threw away all my backup Cd's recently cos i felt they were kinda outdated. And i just deleted my back up in my D drive last week thinking i can re put it in. Well this is what my laziness got me into. Lost photos. I'll always have my memories but those photos were something else all together. Every photos had a tale. even if they were taken a second apart. Those were part of my life.

Lately I've also felt more useless than usual. Nothing i do is working. Neither is it helping that people around me are moving on and wayy better off than i am. I feel like i can try so hard but its still not working.

Today, after a long time, I sat down crying. I broke down at weird places and it was pissing my off more that i couldn't control my feeling which in a freaking hell cycle made me cry even more. I cried at home. I cried even when i went to the park. I even freaking cried in the toilet. I spent like half the time in the park crying. siting away from my dad and sis. At least they had some sort of a semi balance of a good time.

I hate myself.
I hate the mistakes I'm making.
I hate that i can never do anything ryte.
I just hate me ryte now.

Theres so much to say but the words dont come.

Why do you always vent out your anger on me? If you dont realise, it's hurting me. So will you please try to no use me as a punching bag at every need.

And you. Why the fuck do i miss you so much? I want to stop missing you. No. I want you to miss me to. I want to know if im waiting for nothing and just a little something. I bought you chocolates from cambodia but im not going to give them to you cause i used my better judgement(not) and open the pack cause i didn't want any excuse to give you something. I miss you. I just want to hear your voice talking to me (msn once every donkey years is not good enough). Playing around and you telling me something and me always telling you that its dumb idea. Like it used to be. I miss you. I wish i could state your name here. But thats too bold a move. Your the guy i crushed on in my latter part of secondary education. Your the guy i confessed my feelings to. Your the guy that made me wonder what love and being loved was like.

double sighs. If you read this. Please forgive me for being so melodramatic, emotional and if your that guy, im sorry im missing you this much.

i guess the words did come afterall.
more updating later. when im in the mood.