if there's one thing I hang onto that gets me thru the night
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to; I'm gonna live my life
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice
Standing on the ledge, I'll show the wind how to fly
When the world gets in my face, I say...
Have a nice day

Some how, every time i think something is starting to go right,or that i can move on with life, something within me just starts to hold me back.This time round, its fear.Fear, for what may happen. Fear of how I'll react. Fear of how i am supposed to behave. And just plain clear pure cold blooded fear.

And the thing about fear is , you either get used it and let it numb you or
it will just eat you up.

computing..one word...
bluergh:(

i'll never be that girl.
that girl who walks on stars and floats to the sky.
i'll never be that girl.
that girl you love.
i never got the chance to be girl.
not that girl to you.
not till you give me that chance.
no matter how much i love you.

Yesterday, i decided for once to totally completely stand up for my rights.But somehow, everything went bad.Because of me wanting my rights then and there, i ended up hurting someone.I'm very sorry.I know you did not do anything but because of me everything got messed up.As for the others involved in this, i know I'm totally at fault.I'm saying that but you know what?I don't believe myself.its honestly not coming from my heart because i know what i did was not wrong.You can do what you want or say what you want.I'm going to be stoned.To not hear anything you say or at least not react to it will be simple.A long time ago i lost a part of me.A part which i begged to come back yesterday.But now i know i lost the other part of me yesterday too.

6 years ago, i thought i lost everything and i had no one else left.Yesterday it became true.

There is no pain ill show.

yesterday sucked.nuff said.

today, i'm bored, tired, confused, scared and bunch of things more.I've heard about multi tasking but this is really ridulculous.i think i need a break. from everything.im just having this horible turmoil inside of me.there is somuch to say, that today, that now i having no words to express this .none at all.

i just realised a while back....its exactly 8 months since then, today...

you know, sometimes it just suck to know that you're losing everything.It sucks to know that what you thought you'd never lose, you start losing.I figure this is a battle meant to be lost.i wish i could get back what i lost.I might get used to this loss but i just want it all back.i need it all back.

Its not the big things or the obvious things that i cant take.It always hurts most with the little little little things.those insignificant stuff.it hurts.hurts alot.

i dont know how mch longer i can take this.this feelings inside are tearing me apart.

Im sad.I dont know why.Im feeling so stoned and tears are brimming my eyes for absolutely no reason.I feeling so scared that ive lost everything.Every chance.Every memory.And everyone. Till today in my whole life, ive left alot of people behind.Ive open and closed many chapters but whenever i decided that this person cannot be a part of me, i drew a line there.But today i feel like ive lost a part of me.And that its a mistake to leave them behind.Some of them, it was like just fate, time just brought us in different directions.Some of them just brought too much bullshit into my life to stay a part of it.And some, ive tried really hard, really really hard to keep them a part of it.But apprently, i guess im not important enough to stay in their life.I feel seperate from the world.I feel like im all alone.And its just too painful to go on.Must i go on?Its just to painful.

is this the end of an ending
or a start to a new beginning?
or am i just imaginating things that will never be.
are you lost to me?or am i just lost on my own?

honestly...is it a sin for me to be loved back???for me to be remembered???

well, on tuesday i had the W16B bbq...it was super fun...we lyk celebrated filas b'day...it was totally fun lyk playing captains ball and talking rubbish while floating in the water...then on wed i went sutturaning wid gaya arnd AMK...went to da libary and then to AMK hub...the hub ws ok lah...then yesterday...i went for my first debate session with da speak ig which ive officaly joined...it was super fun ...lyk serious debatin...the topic was super hard...and the dear seniors had mercy on my soul and allowed me to just be a judge...yippies...well im seriously considering quiting ICG(Ics lah ppl)...but lyk i dunno...so far i haven had any freaking value add to my life...and its quite pointless...so maybe i shld just quit eh...i dunno...a bit piseh to tell da president that i have no intrest in icg anymore after being so enthu on da first day...but thats the only thing i attended..nth else...wtf...nvm nvm...ill wait and see...

i dont know this emotion im feeling
But is this the tide of a new beginning?

i cannot forget you.i cannot stop loving you.i'm sorry.

yesterday i went for moksha 07'... It was quite nice... but kinda..no no... totally draggy... It was just too long... started at bout 7 and ended at 11 something... other than than,i really enjoyed the show... the band that was playing, sastris or something like that was damn nice... transformers or TRIDIAC totally rocked my socks!!!!i just loved their perofrmance... they did some routine after their dance... reminded me of a cheerleading routine... but it was freaking cool... u noe wads da best part of ther show???the part where yogi b and nachatraz performed... that was cool...



well today,i watched charlottes web... damn nice da story... have no clue what da heck im gonna do for the rest of today... but i noe i gotta start studying... UT's are beginning once sch reopens.



Once again, i feel quite depressed today... but you know what?I just dont feel like talking bout it... It will just hurt too much to speak of... maybe ill fill it in l8er... when i have the mood to pour the contents of my heart out... but basically... i miss him... and i cant stand this pain of missing him...there are plenty of things makin me feel worse,but ,yeah... that's that.


i found this one jessica blog... it's nice... cute and true:)