It's a bitter sweet symphony

2011-12-23T20:51:00.001+08:00

How can one person kill your excitement? So I'll wait till next year to feel excited again. And hopefully not expect you to share it.

Screwed over.

2011-12-11T16:35:00.001+08:00

Do you know what it feels like to walk around shells do I don't hurt your feelings? So I can spend time with everyone I care about? Thank you for screwing me over. You really are one of a kind and I don't think thats a good thing. You want to be first and the only priority and I cant give you that because I have others as well. I hope one day you stop being selfish because I feel like I'm done with your attitude.

I honestly hope you have a good time but I also hope you remember how I at least tried unlike you.

Be on time

2011-12-10T10:24:00.001+08:00

It is absolutely not my bloody fault that you don't understand punctuality. And the next time, I'm just going home.

I wonder...

2011-11-27T20:37:00.001+08:00

I dislike anticipation of distress. It annoys me and stresses me out more. I have honestly no idea what I'm doing right now, what I feel, what I want. I just want things to be simple. I know it's not as simple as that.

Distance shouldn't matter and it probably won't but I think I'm just sad that I can't depend on you after a long day, that I can't come home to you.

I wonder if things will change. If things already have. I don't really want to make these decisions. But there's not really a choice is there?

oh sweet love.

2011-09-20T16:09:00.001+08:00

They say it’s better to have love and lost, then to have not loved at all. I thought what i had was love. and maybe i do. but i wonder, if i had never felt it, would the sense of loss and hurt be this intense? why would i want something with such a yearning if ive never had before. i could pretend and think i needed it. but ill never know the extend of my need if i had never had it.

But that said, i dont regret us. i regret us for the pain im in now. but i dont regret every memory i had with you. and indeed, i do want more memories. but thats something out of my control.

I’m putting everything away. all the physical reminders that you were once part of my life. and we’ll try being friends. but what happens then i wouldnt know.

for things to work, you need two things; chemistry and timing. i know we had the former. its just a pity the latter is never right.

i miss you baby. i hope youre safe. i’ll look forward to seeing again. but now we just mere friends.

2011-09-17T12:29:00.001+08:00

i miss you and all i want is to hear you voice. and to feel your arms around me. i miss you baby. i really do.

five months.

2011-09-11T08:05:00.001+08:00

I know i should stop dwelling on this. just move on. but 5 months was not a short time. 5 months, and i bared my soul to you. but you dont want me anymore so we’re done. we still want to be friends. and that i do too. but it still hurts. i miss you much. i miss being in your arms and the smell of you. i miss the way we do stupid things and watch how i met you mother. i miss you. so damn much. but we’re over. and like you said , we dont know what the future holds.

And maybe everybody is right. i should just stop trying. ive never begged. but i did for you. i feel ashamed of doing that. no one is indispensible. and neither are you. i miss you so much. but we’re done. and maybe when you come back in two weeks, itd be easier to be friends. i just hope i stop missing you. and stop wanting you by then.

It just doesn't matter anymore what i want.

i just have to get over it. and remember that nothing matters. just me.

insecurities.

2011-07-18T07:42:00.001+08:00

It hard. and im trying. i want this to work. And it feel like i should be over it by now but it still hurts so much. scares me so much. and it feels like no one can comprehend my pain. they probably can, but it feels like they cant and it just makes being here so lonely.

That was probably by far one of the worst weeks i had. and i cant go through that again. but i keep wondering when is it going to happen? i hate being this insecure.

I want to try again. and we are. but i want to because i still care, and you make me smile, and you make feel safe.

I hate this turmoil. and i just want everything to be okay again. but honestly i feel so trapped. i cant stop thinking about this. my thesis is due soonish and progress has been terrible. I deactivated my fb account because i feel like disappearing. i don't want to know how brilliant or terrible everyone elses lives are going till i can sort my own out.

i need time.

you always know. you just become ignorant.

2011-07-06T10:23:00.001+08:00

i knew opening up was just a reason to get the heart broken. and i know we trying. but it still hurt. it still hurts.

you never know

2011-05-17T16:48:00.001+08:00

There is so many things we just cant predict. What happen in a year, what happens in a week, what happen in an hour? And although sometimes the choices we make end up teaching us a lesson, sometimes its the choice we dont make that end up making up smile.

Firstly, it was no infactuation. it might have been in the start, but i dont think it is anymore. no, wait, im sure it isnt anymore. its more than that. and thankfully its not only me who thinks that way.(hopefully!!!!) hahaha. its good, and no matter what, i feel its going in the right way. at points i wonder if i should really let myself get all invested in this, but then im like why not. it doesnt feel wrong, soo why should i hold back?

anyway, with the choices, i dont understand why i never ever learn. people cant be trusted. They are lying gossip idiots (no offence, opps, wait, you gossiped about me, so yeah i do mean offence!). I should learn how to be a better judge of character. And i knew you talk about other people, what made me think i was so special that you wouldnt talk about me? i really will never be able to trust you again. and i probably cant find it in me to be a good friend to you anymore. and if i did, ill just be a hypocrite.

So much has changed since i got back down under. I knew last year, that this place started feeling more like home. i mean, home in sg will always be home with my grandma and my dad and everyone there. but this is a place where i build my life, not a place where someone else built it for me. i guess anywhere can be home, its just a matter of time. and this year, melbourne is definitly home.

i got my self a double bed!! with purple sheets of course. and ive made my room, more like a room youd find in a home, not a house. and i love that.

and i know shit happens too often, but i reckon if i just kept my head up anyway, it wouldnt matter.

Sigh, come home quickly, i miss you.

sydney over easter was good! i think def, my fav people in mel

lets create a list shall we

2011-03-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

Hema’s list of awesomeness(Y)

Falling up stairs. not them.

shrinking clothes on a weekly basis in the drier.

ability to trip on flat ground wearing the ultimate flattest of pumps

stepping on a glass bottle with my right feet and ending up with a cut on my left feet

able to climb a series of huge rocks to reach a cave but just one tiny one in a small pond to slip and fall on

Writing your first uni exam answers in one booklet when it was clearly stated separate booklets

experimenting with a lighter and dropping a glob of melted plastic on your finger

tripping over your text book that you took effort to avoid the first time you walked around it

playing bumper car and then hitting your head onto a coin slot getting you 5 awesome stitches

bumping your head on the door frame while getting in the back seat of a two door car. or rather any any car:(

getting my registered mail lost. and it had my diploma in it.

melting the microwavable ricecooker in the microwave.( still not sure how i pulled this one off.)

Falling down in a moving bus. ( mona asked for this:/)

exploding a egg in the microwave although it was cracked and in a bowl of soup.

being lazy to fry chips in oil and uses the oven. only to burn my arm when taking the tray out.

falling off a hammock in front a group of realllllly cute guys

pulling the door back so that i can slam it shut and hitting my eyebrow on the edge of the door on the way

slicing my finger on the tab of my jeans:/

being hit in the face. by a soccer ball. on my nose. during captains ball. not once but two days in a row. at the exact same spot. but wait it get better, by the SAME person. HAHA. it was an accident. but its me. so why am i surprised?

You have no idea how easy it was to come up this list. Lets call it the hall of fame. oh wait. no. hall of “things hema does that no other single person can achieve in one life time. or 2 people for that matter”

Thank you sab for that pic. HAHA.

For the record, my firs paper went not too bad. Cept like mentioned i screw up how i wrote the answers in the booklet but my unit conveyors said it wasn't too great a problem. and i did totally screw up the final question but i reckon i could do really weld for the other 3 and the mcq. so 1 down 4 to go. wish me luck my lovelies.

Me thinks that things might work out well after all.

*Update: Im just going to keep updating this list. whenever required. :(

Barriers and masquerades.

2011-02-25T23:01:00.001+08:00

I feel like a pool of mixed emotions. part of me just feels silly for feeling this way. nothing but a infatuation. i will get over it. but acknowledging that i have probably been acting like an idiot around someone makes me feel even sillier. sigghhh.

and then there's the part of me that feels all frustrated that there's all these hurdles i have to face in the course of doing..not doing… STARTING my masters. Its like i have to fight for every bit of it. but i also know that the fight makes all more fruitful. But its frustrating. pain assed frustrating. I'm trying to keep my head up and just talking everything one by one. I know no one who ever made it with out a fight. its a dream, its a future, i reckon that worth all the fight in the world. but does it have to be this tiring?

And mostly, i think, I'm a little upset that I'm felling silly and the frustration i feel is doing a great job in making me feel more upset.

silly silly me.

Thats what life is. ups and downs. spin around. fear and safety all in a safe seat.

adios amiga

2011-01-30T03:45:00.001+08:00

the hair has been chopped. went it for a trim and to get my fringe back. sashayed out with thin as whatever not very layerish much shorter hair with bangs.

cant say im not pleased

sacrifice

2011-01-07T14:41:00.001+08:00

we sacrifice a lot to get what we want. the sacrifice is not wrong. no its never wrong. but we just have to make sure that what we're sacrificing is not only worth it but its something we're ready to sacrifice. that way, at the end of it all, even if we dont get what we set out to achieve, we wouldn't regret the sacrifice. and sacrifice with no regret is no sacrifice at all.

stop over analysing

2010-12-28T22:34:00.001+08:00

You and I both know that actions and words dont go hand in hand.

match night!

2010-12-26T22:43:00.001+08:00

cant wait to watch the match. football deprived child i am.

up up up the coast

2010-12-26T22:27:00.001+08:00

Haven't blog in a while now have i? well, certain key updates, I've left Melbourne and but will be back soon enough! am travelling up the coast , in Sydney and next stop gold coast! cant effing wait.

spent a awesome possum Christmas in a apparently typical aussie manner = loads of food on the grill and a madly sweltering day! geesh, i miss Melbourne where the sun doesn't shine. lol. ill survive though. went a did a bit of boxing day shopping in this madly packed city. i heart supre! finally got my jeggings and cropped sweater. might i be brave enough to wear the sweater out on it own? maybe? i don't know. i feel like a fat cow but i wonder whose fucking business but mine is it how i look. i might wear it when I'm chilling . i intend to start running when I'm back in sg. wont have nutting better to do any way! healthy eating the moment i set foot in Mel again!

oh and i got a hooded dress for 5 bucks. praise the lord for sales!

bad men

2010-12-10T02:12:00.001+08:00

what is wrong with me?

First i meet mr perfect who i loss contact with and never to be found again.

then i meet mr too young who fun but not my ideal guy whose has yet to reply to my email.

after which i meet mr engaged whose more then happy to chat and give web kisses.

and now i meet mr semi perfect but not as exciting as mr perfect but he is fucking married.

good god. what is wrong with me?!

and these last two men. what scum bags! they didn't even mention that they were married or engaged. tsk.

just simple change to complicate things.

2010-12-02T10:38:00.001+08:00

all i wanted was to be able to blog from live writer normally. now I've landed myself a new live writer that looks like word and a new msn that makes it potentially unsafe to chat with randoms because it give both my first and last names. bleh. me dont like.

Anyway, thus, me being the ever secretive cyber nut case, has decided to delete my social network sites that i do partake activities in anymore, eg. Friendster(stone ageee) and hi5(failed network:/). I've decided since my longer rants and personal aspirations are stuck on fb and my blog, these shall remain private. twitter however, shall be my free voice to talk to people but fret not, i will be careful in what i say.

I get my results tonight! totally freaking out! well, not exactly. I'm just scared. i dont know what to do if i screw up. but i wont , i think. i worked hard…i think. too many i think and maybes. sighhhh!

Anyway, heading to melbourne central with menaka, neha, naz and saretta. people I've gotten to know in this one year at flats although these friendships were only forged in the last month or so.

It weird, I've met so many people this year. some nice and funny, some inspiring and some whose characters dont match mine. but theres also those who i thought we’d be friennds forever and those i thought i wont be with but tables turn, people change and friendships no longer become the crust of the world we once thought was so important.

1 year. away from home. looking after myself and dealing with the worlds nastiness. i might have lost brain cells along the way but i dont regret anything I've done. mistakes… consequences that I've accepted. errors… with mends on their way. and moulding my own character. not in someone elses shadow. not hiding behind familial responsibilities. i dont want this journey to end, and with some luck it wont.

I've fallen in love with Manchester united again after like 10 years? i swear, they are freaaking awesome! more than that im crazy over nemanja vidic and rio ferdinand. please people, no need to rub it in my face that they are married with kids! im well aware of that fact but it doesnt change the truths that they are oh so fucking hottt!

xoxo.

me me ME

2010-10-07T23:19:00.001+08:00

things i know about me.

1) i love cotton candy but only the pink one. not cause I'm a bimbo but i think it tastes better.

2) I can stay awake at night much better than i do in the day

3)I have the attention span of a 5 year old.

4) I love orange and purple but depending if i feel Zen or loud.

5) I love red bull and i like the yan yan milk in the red tin although I'm scared to drink the latter in case i remember the taste wrong cause the last time i had it i was 10.

6) I love baking but I'm more happy when people eat the cakes

7) i kill cactuses. because i overwatered it. i think this reflects that I'm a over loving person.

8) I don't flinch at the sight of vomit or even when i have to clean it up. when the thought of it can put me off my meals.

9) i like ordering soymilk caramel macchiato because it sounds cool.

10) i think simba is hot.

11) i like bright colours but neons are fucked.

12) I rather pretend to be immature and watch you make a fool out of yourself trying to be mature. but truth is I'm really not thatttt mature. i choose not be.

13) albino rabbits freak the heel out of me but i think albino mice a cute

14) i wish i was a character in gossip girl. no, i just want to live in Serena's closet

15) i actually think i like watching sports. but i love watching swimming most. (wet dripping topless men. what's not to like?!)

spammers.

2010-10-07T12:43:00.001+08:00

so ive been stressed and ive stopped blogging for a bit. does not mean that i dont check my blog regularly and see all you scum head spammers on my cbox. go ahead anyway. i know how to delete stuff off. So my dear spammers, this is exactly what i think of you:)

who am i?

2010-09-25T15:53:00.001+08:00

i don't care if i get hurt. i don't care if I'm made used of. I don't want to be a mean person. not now. not ever. nobody deserves to be the brunt of anything. its like the world is so complicated yet so simple. you cant let everyone get away with everything. but at the same time being a bitch isn't going to get you anywhere.

proof that ive lost it:(

2010-09-21T06:59:00.001+08:00

The hormones should have their say. again

2010-09-17T00:04:00.001+08:00

you really should stop being so superficial and judgemental about people. one day you either going to be the worlds greatest skank or the world fattest cow and nobody’s going to spare you then. and besides, no one is sparing you for your stinking attitude now. and note that i didn't say ugliest cow. cause your before and after wont look that much different.

see the difference between you and me is simply that i do not judge and criticize random people. i judge , criticize and personally slam fuckers i know. like you.

PMS

2010-09-16T08:46:00.001+08:00

That rant. it was not me. i swear. it was the hormones! actually no, it was me, and i meant every word i said. but yeah. haha.

judge me for my principles. mock me not for them.

2010-09-14T21:49:00.001+08:00

you bloody fucking bitch. you really think you’re all that superior to everyone else? new flash honey buns, everyone cant stand you. you disgust a whole line of people. people who you think are so fucking impressed with you lack of mannerisms. Let me tell you this, you have no sense of respect for anyone around you. you are self obsessed and you think the whole world only spins just for you. apparently every word you say is gold. well, you know what, take all these ideas you have about yourself and stuff them up your arsehole.

You honestly have no self respect for yourself. and you have bad principles. wait. scratch that. you have NO principles. so don't you come around here and judge me for what i believe in. trust me, i have more self respect and better principles than you will ever have in this life time. more than you’ll ever learn to fake. Just because you have no conscience, it doesn't mean that everyone else has to be a stone heart bitch like you.

You honestly don't see your self, do you? essentially your a nobody who cant accept that. you just need to pretend your something your not. something greater than you'd ever be. something that you disgrace by pretending to be. pretend to be a bitch all you want. but your not. you just a childish immature rat who thinks she’s all that. well do the world a fucking favour and just.drop.dead.

list it all

2010-09-13T18:42:00.001+08:00

I hate having the feeling of having so much of work to do. i think im going crazy. i gotta study. i gotta start my report. i gotta start mugging for finals. i gotta apply for accommodation. i gotta apply for some security check. i gotta apply honours. i gotta apply for the ra thing. i gotta to do so many things. and its just driving me nuts. i feel like baking to calm myself down but not only do i have cake in the fridge i also have cake in another Tupperware. i cant find people to feed the cakes to anymore!

I have to go do my laundry now.

iamjusttoostressedrightnow.

daughter of

2010-09-12T23:07:00.001+08:00

danya oria.

hahahaha. the things i come up with.

a touch of honey and an dab of alcohol

2010-09-12T03:13:00.001+08:00

im am high. so so high right now.

and im sorta loving it. woooooo.

yumm

lalalala. bahabaha.

ticktaceolliewhambababhahammmy.

oh i really heart adele and saretta.

and darl, dont worry, we'll get you tolerance higher by the years ends. and by then me and adele will be awesome caregivers.

muah muacks

xoxo

split personalities

2010-09-04T11:12:00.001+08:00

I think i have two people living in my head. its sorta like the devil and angel deal. but not quite.

I have one that goes “wake up hema! you got work to do”

the other replies “5 mins!”

or “you will get this done by 6pm today!'”

“another episode of criminal minds cant hurt”

its no surprise who i listen to most.:(

Happy teachers day:)

2010-09-03T00:12:00.001+08:00

You wished me a happy teachers day,

But I'm no teacher honey.

I’m just a preacher.

I don't teach them anything new.

I recite scriptures and show you pictures.

Now life, that’s the true teacher.

The one that tell us how to live,

and then watches us scream,

in pain, in agony and in frustration.

But that's what we all are here for.

These “teachers” or so you call them,

they’re there long enough to watch it unfold.

and then they recite scriptures, and show us pictures,

and they preach to us, how they were told to live.

And we don't give up.

Teachers don't teach. They merely hold our hands and recite what they were told. but they also hold our hands to help us face the unknown. But they are there. bound by duty, they are there to help us even if we can help ourselves. we just, have to be willing to learn.

I may not seem like very much, but i’m yours.

2010-08-30T21:01:00.001+08:00

I love this song. and i think i love The Script. <3

bad choices.

2010-08-19T16:31:00.001+08:00

Drown yourself hema. this is not going to work. stop what youre thinking.

You know there are something's that will change you perspectives forever..

2010-08-19T14:31:00.001+08:00

Long assed title. i know. but who cares , like honestly.

anyway, do you guys remember maybe just one particular incident that suddenly opened you eyes to something? suddenly you're no longer perplexed? yeah, i think i may have had one of those moments a couple of weeks back. It was more like a few events to open my eyes to put everything in perspective. ( although i already knew half of it, i just to you know, confirm it.) . yeah, so like i was saying, a couple of weeks back i really understood who are acquaintances. and honestly I'm not disappointed. I'm actually pretty glad because i am not myself around them anyway. i cant be stuffed either way. but what felt really good and truly shifted what i thought, was knowing that other people saw what i saw. Its not just me. and all you are, is a fool for pretending that the world revolves around you. that’s all. and honestly i cant be bothered all that much about it.

Anyway, I've been having relatively good weeks so far. school is as tough as ever. Assignments piling up and i honestly don’t have much of a clue on how to do them. but I'll get it done. i always do. I bake brownies yesterday. I'm going on a hunt to find people to to give them away to. But i don’t have a whisk! i want one. (HINT HINT: early b’day gift people!). ill probably be independent and go buy one over the weekend or tmr. i don't know. ill see how it goes. but yeah, i intend to go on a baking frenzy. its just so calming. and once i find people to give it away to, id get to bake more. hahaha.

good morning sunshine!

2010-08-09T09:18:00.001+08:00

I am not now nor ever was a morning person.

THIS HAS TO CHANGEEEE!!!

liars and my own two feet

2010-08-08T11:15:00.001+08:00

You what i hate more than anything? being lied to. It sends me into this fury that honestly ends with me telling you to fuck off and grow a pair. not everybody is stupid.

i wanna say so much but i know that its not worth it. i shouldn't have to waste my time ranting on people who not worth my 2 cents. I just know, that at the end of the day, its me and me alone. in whatever. when I'm happy cause you’re sure as hell not gonna be there to share my happiness, when anything else truthfully. its not a big deal. i know how to move alone in life, and honestly its not as difficult but i know you wouldn't be able to do it.

no one.

2010-07-23T20:39:00.001+08:00

i hate it when it feels like theres no one there for you. or rather. no one there for me.

Nothing’s ever as bad as it seems.

2010-07-19T20:10:00.001+08:00

Nothings ever but bad as long as you can ignore the minor falls. Today was back to school. It is going to be so easy to slip into that lazy, non studying mode, but no i wont let that happen. just studying a few hours a day can actually make a difference. and i intend to make that difference.

Today was also me being on my own again at least in lectures and in the afternoon at SEF. It wasn't as bad as i expected. i spoke to people and i wasn't really dying. i guess being friendly to people helps. and i like it.

all you have to do is stop caring what if your being judged. and life treats you well enough.

the outcomes.

2010-07-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

fml. i do feel suicidal.

**dear friends, i feel suicidal but that does not mean I'm going to do anything drastic so please, stay off my back. you know, i know better. if you think i don't know better, then you probably don't know me so fuck off anyway.

The sun , sand and cold wintery winds.

2010-07-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

ok that was bullshit. it wasn't too cold in the gold coast but it was no sunny paradise either. ok, it was a pretty nice paradise. just not sunny. ok. you get the point. I think i had a rather exciting holiday. no, i didn't go to theme parks. i did what i love most. SHOP and club a little. a lot. And i spent time in the water. which i love even more. I have new experiences that i know not everyone would get. and i had a blast. I learnt new things. and not just what i signed up for.

The clubs there were quite exciting actually. But with a name like sin city or bedroom, if its not exciting that something is totally wrong. One thing i learnt in the clubs- when someone dance with you from the back, don't trust anyone to give a you a proper description of the person( esp if they are preoccupied too:I). Turn you head around and look at the person. take 5 second to decide if you want a escape route and spend the next 2 seconds actually escaping if required. always always try to catch a glimpse of the person because god forbid you’re dancing with a old dude with a gold tooth. i was horrified and might possibly be scared for life btw. oh and if a shorter guy tries anything, don't laugh at him because offence is usually taken. hahahaha. Try not to hang around really drunk kuku blokes when you’re sober because when one of them removes his shoe so that they both can drink beer from it, you are going to be disgusted and you are going to want to hurl. and even if your friends decide they’re still with dancing with, DONT because its going to happen again and you’re going to have to find an escape to stalk off to. ( mine was the depressing brazil game btw.i was so so sad).

But a holiday that's purely about clubbing is not so exciting. We headed down to Byron bay where i think i would love to go to again! We went snorkelling which i loved. Honestly i was terrified at first but then then this calmness came over me and i enjoyed it a lot. but i was totally freaked out by the speed boat. Then we went surfing where i experienced my first bloody nose. i gave up after the bleeding stopped. surfing is not my thing. and i think i need better arm and upper body strength before i attempt it again which honestly actually might be never. The next day we went sea kayaking and we saw dolphins. so pretty. i totally loved it. I went kayaking and i didn't get sea sick but after a while of being back on land i threw up. more proof that I'm weird. ill embrace it.

We got $5 meals that were huge ass with a free margarita. Saw a really hot Dutch guy. with piercing blue eyes and the whole beard stubble thing going on. but he’d be one of those… never to be seen again types. haha.

and i went skydiving. screamed my heart out at 11000ft. but i totally enjoyed the parachute ride.

we only get to remember this one life. so I've been living it;)

a disappearance

2010-07-12T21:37:00.001+08:00

i know I've been gone awhile. But like my title implies i decided a little absence from my literary vomit was required. ok lets face it. i was just too lazy to blog. and when i needed to blog, the words would just have been too nasty and left scars. but i actually feel i have so much to say. so for the darlings patiently waiting for my update and my ever so boring life, the long long post is going to be just for you.

The disappearing act is not just about my absence in the blog for the past couple of weeks. its me in the past couple of months. i know who i am. i always have( always being the past 2 years of self discovery. but you get the point). But i think I'm far from perfect and along the way i sort of misplaced some of my priorities. The past half a year, I've spent discovering my freedom. My stressing on things that are relatively minor. but that's just me. this had to happen sooner or later. i had to learn how to live life on my own. but lets face it. I've always been a dreamer. and I'm a dreamer who makes them come true. (think positive hema!) . At the end of it all, no matter what i go through, no matter what doubts i have, head or tail, essentially i just simply want to become a medical doctor. that's the baseline. people may have their doubts and honestly so do i time to time but that’s what I WANT. and what i want, I'm prepared to fight for. I want to live a full and complete life. I'm young only once but that's the most fucked up reason for me to give up my dream. I'm going to work for what i want. if that means me having less of a social life (like as if its so great now:/ but yeah) so be it. If its means not turning up to the Nott every week, so be it. i am going to work my ass off. and I'm going to make it through. any one, and i mean any one, who has to say otherwise to me, you can just fuck off. i don't need a speech about reality but because i know it. I know the possibilities and i know people fail. but I'm not going to let that keep me down. and when i said anyone, i meant anyone. i don't give a rats ass if you’re related to me or my best friend or a mere acquaintance.

So lets recap on what i want now.

-do well in all my papers

-qualify for honours and actually do the damned thing

-sit for gamsat and apply to med school

-take a few years off to save $$

-become a doctor:)

simple. what i want. i just have to work my ass of to get it. i don't mind really.

For now, exams are over. waiting for my results which come out this Friday. hopefully i do well. I'm just praying i pass everything. even if i don't score so well, i can at least work really hard to pull up my average.

oh i also went to the gold coast. I'm going to write about that in the next post. this seems long enough. :)

the mad dash.

2010-06-23T20:22:00.001+08:00

with my current pattern of sleep, caffeine and music, i foresee myself becoming by Friday :

a) A zombie

b) A caffeine addicted zombie

c) A deaf caffeine addicted zombie.

d) A corpse or seemingly like one

dreams and remembering them.

2010-06-22T09:39:00.001+08:00

Dear god,

I want so much from life. I made so many plans. But right now i need to get rough this. i need to make it through. i need to do well. I cant be screwing this up because that will screw me over. and all my dreams. i know i lost track of what was important. i know remember it now. but it feels like is too late. I trying to be positive. Please just be there with me. let me get through this. Let me have some kismat today. I will try my best for thurs and friday also. please help me get through this week.

fooo yoooohhhhh

2010-06-20T23:27:00.001+08:00

both of the ones on the right.

pool table kind.

fucking a.

yummmm.

yummy men.

2010-06-16T23:04:00.001+08:00

Wordy and lengthy but this is so spot on and worth a read for the ladies. hahaha. guys, see how appreciative we are? xoxo

Men: Can't live with 'em, can't stop checking out their butts when they pass us on the street.

As fierce, independent women, we like to think that we don't need men. We can change our own tires…open our own jars…move our own furniture…Still, it sure is nice to have men around. Guys: Consider this a love letter from us to you. Below, ten things women love about men.— Steph Auteri

1. Their bodies. Yep, we said it. Even the scrawny hipster-types have biceps that make us swoon. Their hands are almost always bigger than ours. No matter what size a guy is, he can always make us feel small and delicate. And what's with those beautiful, provocative veins guys have on their arms? And facial hair! Sure, it gets scratchy, but it looks so darn sexy.

2. Their innate ability to do and understand things we can't. We hate having to rely on anyone but ourselves but sometimes it's just easier to ask him to take care of it. We beg forgiveness for the gross generalizations that are about to follow, but we always ask him to carry heavy objects up the stairs (that's mainly because of laziness; we're perfectly capable), hang pictures and kill large, scary bugs. Though after that time he pretended to throw that bug carcass at us and we screamed like a 5-year-old girl, we might not ask him again.

3. Their secret sensitive side. When a guy cries in front of you, it can feel as if you've won the emotional lottery. Tears are a sign of extreme intimacy, and the fact that he's let down his guard probably means that he cares about you deeply and trusts you. We also love it when we catch our man staring at us with what can only be described as "tenderness." And when he pulls us close for a quick hug, or kisses the top of our heads, our hearts just melt.

4. Their scent. Their body wash. Their aftershave. Their (subtly-spritzed-on) cologne. Their natural, musky fragrance. All of it combines to create a perfume we can't help wanting to envelop ourselves in.

5. Their brains. It's been scientifically proven that the male brain is different from the female brain. We're not sure if that's what makes them enjoy wedgies, football and Star Wars or not. Either way, their essential "maleness," and their appreciation for our "femaleness" makes us feel pretty special about being women—and that is awesome.

6. Their sense of humor. We love that they charm us with jokes, think bodily functions are funny (we sometimes do, too) and make us laugh at our shortcomings and not take ourselves too seriously.

7. Their natural protectiveness. It makes us smile when they walk on the outside, nearest to the traffic, extend a hand to help us up a steep incline or worry that we're going to get kidnapped. Because, even if we can totally protect ourselves because we've followed a strict routine of kick-boxing and belly dancing, it's nice to feel taken care of.

8. Their clothes. Especially that giant, fuzzy sweater with navy blue stripes that's lined with fleece and that goes down to our knees and that—what? You can't find your sweater? Um…don't look at me.

9. Their dependability. Call it boring and predictable, but it's good to be with someone whose behavior is (at least most of the time) guided by logic and common sense rather than emotions. While it can be infuriating when he manages to maintain a completely calm demeanor in the face of our most melodramatic of meltdowns (don't you understand!?), it can also make us feel more secure.

10. Their undying passion for us…even when we're wearing granny panties. In a world that values appearance over so many other traits, it's nice to know that men desire us even when we're wearing decidedly unsexy pajamas, haven't shaved our legs in a week and have an emerging zit in the center of our foreheads. After all, they're not so perfect themselves, and we still love them. When it comes down to it, we're not so different after all.

- http://www.yourtango.com/201064255/10-things-women-love-about-men/page/2?cid=2leep

parasite

2010-05-12T14:30:00.001+08:00

“when you're pregnant, that little parasite growing in you is entirely foreign. well until he’s born and you love him forever and ever.”

HAHAHAH!

the fish has sailed.

2010-05-10T23:55:00.001+08:00

forgive me but i cant help but fall for the athletes.

funnyyy menus.

2010-05-10T17:57:00.001+08:00

micro waved chips

egg salad that used eggs that were not completely hard boiled so required to be micro waved to cook it further

Lebanese bread.

eggnog cause i felt like it.

i feel sick.

scar

2010-05-07T09:30:00.001+08:00

When you broke my heart, that day, so many years ago, everyone told me in a matter of time things will get better. That i wouldn’t feel it anymore after awhile. That the next guy i found and I'd forget of the pain you caused. But you scarred me. An wound that will always hurt. Even after it healed. I don't care that you broke my heart anymore. But i care that you shattered it so much that I'm so afraid to move now. That fear to even let anyone know who id thought might be worth my time. The fear of even admitting to myself that i might be healing. And all these years, my fears have let so many chances of a new start slip away. I’m trying to hold sand in my open palm. I want to heal but I'm just too afraid, too insecure and too broken to try. You shattered the very confidence you helped me build. Andrew heard the list. ugly. fat like a gigantic field. apparently not too bright either. Yeah. i have issues and yeah i know. but me not saying it doesn't mean that its not running through my head every single day. And there's a reason why this blog is private only open to those i believe who wont judge me. I used to be able to deal with this shit. What happened?? oh yeah. you shattered the heart that actually cared.

I don't want to blame you. But you broke my heart.

my car, your car,

2010-05-06T15:42:00.001+08:00

lets face it you loser, it your fucking parents car. Don't pretend to own it for yourself when the only financial contribution you make is the cost incurred when you crash it.

plenty of fish in the sea.

2010-05-04T07:41:00.001+08:00

hema needs to start fishing. in a different direction. nuff said.

the innocence of a child.

2010-04-26T10:32:00.001+08:00

a 6 year old boy i met today drew a funny shape. it looked like a mermaid with claws. and i asked him what it was after not being able to guess it right. he replied 'Its god. i mean no one knows what god looks like. He's like the light. You can never exactly see him or where its coming from but he's there. Right infront of you.'

D.I.E – Death is expected.

2010-04-19T10:05:00.001+08:00

BMS

~~1)Study for mcq – 21 April~~

2)profile – 23 April

~~3)abstract –23 April~~

4)presentation – 30 April

MIC

~~1)Report – 26 April ( half slashed cause i finished half way)~~

~~2)MCQ –23 April~~

3)practical's –EVERY FUCKING WEEK!

HUP

1)assignment – 11th May

IMM

1)assignment – 3rd May

2)MCQ – 13th May

alone and a loner.

2010-04-16T22:23:00.001+08:00

i dont do being alone well. i can. i have always had to. but i hate it. Why do i have to? why is it me who has to? yeah. i push myself away from you fuckers. but do you'll have to go joining the same group as the people i would have joined if you arseholes didn't take all the space? thanks. seriously. Thanks.

so once again. hema. bang bang bang. you’re the one all alone.

drowning.

2010-04-16T14:00:00.001+08:00

i hate myself.

for not being able to do anything properly. i cant wake up. i cant do my work. wtf is wrong with me?

The new kid:)

2010-04-14T00:12:00.001+08:00

meet my first nephew. in my not extended , extended family anyway.

i dont know his name.

But i just know he is very very cute.

but i think he looks like a baby monkey. a very cute one:P

procrastination and boredom

2010-04-13T21:05:00.001+08:00

oh dear lord. help me concentrate please:(

when age doesn't matter.

2010-04-13T20:31:00.001+08:00

‘

- credits to OMG!Yahoo.

I have never thought age to be a barrier in relationships. I actually like age gaps. Its sorta interesting to have like a 10 year gap with the person you dating.

But then, when there like a a more than ten year gap and you have a kid that’s from a previous whatever, its still ok. What’s creepy is when your partner looks more like your son’s elder sister . I swear when i saw the pic i thought it was Brian Austin Green and his TWO kids. And when i relaised it was megan fox. Sorta creepy right.

Maybe its just this pic. but literally OMG!

realisation

2010-04-13T00:54:00.001+08:00

The first warning signs and i bolt.

Same thing with Jham3.

same thing with faz and naz and mir.

just thing now.

the first signs. and im outta there.

I always pushed away before they could.

That line between friendship and more.

2010-04-12T20:49:00.001+08:00

“Sometimes, when you imagine a perfect guy, you realize you've just described a friend you've known forever. I guess that's how I fell in love with our friendship.”

- Nisha Pandey ( Ambigai’s Client whose name i initially didnt know and couldn’t credit properly)

I was that girl who fell for her friend. Once. a long time ago. As many of you know, that friendship has gone down the drain. Not everything's a fairytale. But sometimes i guess what you’re searching for is right there. Its sweet. You don't have to be fake. You don't have to lie. You don't have to be that girl whose moving in and out of a curtain. But what happens to that friendship after you fall in love with it? That’s what confuses me all the time. What if things don't work out? or what if they do? do you lose that person? Does he still remain the person you trust with every word you say? how does it work? But i guess when you know its right , its right.

And asvin kaur, please don't get any idea’s with me posting up this post k. <3 skype soon love.

Climbing high

2010-04-11T22:34:00.001+08:00

why everyone should date a climber... by
francesca metcalf
1] we use protection
2] we are flexible
3]we keep going when it hurts
4] we like like it on top
5]we will grab them big or small
6]we take it in every position
7] we dont mind getting dirty!
8]we like it hard
9] we have perfect technique
10] We grunt when the action heats up.
11] We are good with our hands
12] we know how to use our hips
13] not scared to do it for an audience
14] We dont quit
15] We arent scared of anything
16] We move anyways you want us to
17] We like tight clothing / almost no clothing
18] We like making people scream and yell
19] we have good technique even when tired
20] we have amazing bodies

I should have typed more when i posted it but im drowning in work. I seem to be finding alot of these nice/funny/spastic things but its interesting to read. LOL. more should be coming up. Ill try to blog more often again.

Oh and i learnt ignorance is one of my many hidden talents. surviving in this house with that talent present makes it much easier:)

pick ups and the trash.

2010-04-09T10:18:00.001+08:00

nuff said. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thanks fidah for the pic!

graduation.

2010-04-07T10:57:00.001+08:00

Ill fill in this post more when i actually have time but for now let me enlighten you people.

‘Ive got my Grad Gown and its bright Pink. YAY. Post grad?’

Person of quotes is graduating. From poly. with a diploma. yeah. you're degree is the new post grad.

-.-

easy

2010-03-31T21:02:00.001+08:00

Just because someone has it easier than you doesn't mean that they have no worries. Because, trust me, they know the luck they've been playing with might just run out at anytime.

uninvited.

2010-03-30T22:12:00.001+08:00

I know i cant have it both ways. But I'm trying. i don't want to cut you’ll out entirely but just because i don't seem to be spending every waking moment with you’ll, you guys seem to be doing just that. i feel sad. i know everyone leaves eventually. And its not that i hate you people. You guys annoying me. and actually i really cant stand you’ll have the time. but we live together. that requires some compromise and I'm trying. So can you try too? i really don't give a fuck if I'm the girl that's bitched about( i probably will but lets pretend that i wont) . So i am just gonna push myself in here and there and get on with life. Oh and just like the way she has squeezed herself in and made this her more permanent home.

too many things.

2010-03-28T21:11:00.001+08:00

i don't understand what's going on you hostility? fine. whatever. but i don't understand it. i have issues too but i fucking try to be nice. So what fuck is wrong with you. Are you that infantile that you to give attitude this way? fuck off. if you think you are better off behaving this way, just flying fuck off. And if i were you, ill really try to stop being a bloody bitch cause seriously it’s so wtf. And i don't keep quiet this long. You’re just asking for trouble.

I feel so overwhelmed. i don't know what's with them. I feel like an bloody idiot about the whole tutor and name shit and i feel like fucking crap and its eating me up. How the fuck do i stop caring. how to hell am i supposed to let go off things and be human about it.

I feel like going home. I really feel like it. the stress here, i wish i had a way out of it.

but no. i have to stay. its not supposed to be like that. its supposed to get better.

so why does it seem to be getting worse?

Horrified.

2010-03-26T16:36:00.001+08:00

You know how you sometimes do things. And it seems a bit out of the blue of what you’d do . And then you go about the rest of your day being normal and then suddenly BAM! You fucking horrified that you actually did it. Yeah. i had one of those moments today.

I had a bms tutorial today. So my tutor (my very cute tutor) has been calling my HEEEEma for the past coupla weeks. So every time i meant to correct him i didn't. So i had actually told a friend, If he calls me that today, I'm going to tell him how it’s actually pronounced. So yeah, today i walked into class. and he went HEEE-ma. So i was gonna tell him then but he walked away already or something so i didn't really say anything.

So what do you think Hema the genius did? She waited till she was going to present, introduced her team mates and in front of the whole class goes “…. And me, its pronouced hema not HEEEma.”.

INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS. so lets face it. The class is only 14 people. Minus me and my friend, 12. So only 12 people i said it in front of right? yeah. not so bad la. But i think he was probably horrified at that moment. and it was not like i planned it. i opened my mouth the words just poured out. cant blame me right?rightttt?

Best part of it all. I was like totally cool about it all the while. until 2 hours ago. And this happen at 8 fricking am. Am i slow or am i slow uh?

So horrified. and he was cute! bleh.

breathe again.

2010-03-25T22:40:00.001+08:00

Being out, at night. to socialise. Its like breathing again. A fresh intake of air. letting me feel like me.

I saw a guy who looked like Hann from Grey’s anatomy. Hot! but yeah.

Let me reinforce the point about me being a very shallow person.

Nott<3

isnt it spelt you?

2010-03-22T21:16:00.001+08:00

You. difficult to type.

YEWWWWW.

euuuuu.

eue.

fucking annoying to type.

-.-

losing appeal

2010-03-22T15:37:00.001+08:00

So me being me, i think some guys are hot. So i thought this guy was hot. and i still think this guy is hot. but i swear like my title implies he’s losing that appeal that made me go breathless.

So here’s a list of things that make me lose appeal in a guy.

1) Skankiness.

I cant stand guys who are male whores. you may not be one but your attitude, seriously, yuck. so unappealing uh. You wanna act like that, get a room. like gross can?! but yeah. you really portray a male shank. the issues with first impressions. Im not judging. but im judging. ( those unavoidable, automatic in your head thing.)

2) Vegetarianism.

I don't know why but this is a mild errr no thanks in my book. I cant imagine myself ever being vegetarian.

3) Know-It-All’s

if i wanted to know everything, I'd date a dictionary or encyclopaedia. i really would.

4) Boyism.

Face it. you’re no longer a 5 year old. Have some brains. Liking computer games is not a bad thing. Acting like the world revolves around you is.

5) Altheletic ability.

or the lack of. Call me shallow (I am. I truly am as shallow as the side walk puddle on a very warm day) but i like guys who are a little into sports. Anti soccer guys are the biggest no nos. And that you are. A guy who likes to jog. Who likes to watch soccer. Who loves the water. nice. Oh, and virtual sport is not a sport darling.

pmsy

2010-03-21T12:06:00.001+08:00

I swear i must be pmsy. because I'm ready to burst into tears now.

The rich and The pampered.

2010-03-21T09:26:00.001+08:00

I’ve spent my life being the youngest and no doubt about it, but ive been pampered a lot. But what ive been thankful for is that i fucking grew up with brains. Seriously. Anyway, what they say about you, its starting to seem true you know. I try to be tolerant and i try to understand. But i really cant understand people who spend 12 hours a day telling people how privilege their lives have been and how normal that is. hear this. I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK! so pampered. jeez. and apparently no one has told you you’re actually annoying.

ok hema. go back to pretending nothing happen and that this is totally normal.

funny.but im not laughing.

2010-03-20T19:47:00.001+08:00

I’m blogging alot today. must be in the mood man.

its so funny who speaks more English. doofus. I'm not laughing.

Just to make it all seem ok

2010-03-20T12:25:00.001+08:00

Im having fun here. Thank god for knowing people who go out or I'd probably shrivel up and die man. i like studying but i need a life. I went clubbing for the first time ever in Melbourne last week. some Indian event and then went to this place called the red violin. The first not to exciting but the latter i think i an just say yay! It was nice being out. cold but nice. hahaha. Then this week i actually headed to the nott with them. omg the place is nicee!! so chill out yet fun and everything just in one. and then last we were supposed to go to VII but ended up in red violin again. I probably wouldn't mind the nott more often though.

But yah, time to hear the nerd in me. Exams and assignments and everything else due so soon! how how how? this is how, don't go out so much study more but still have a life. Don't know how I'll pull it off but can uh. =)

to do list: study, assignments, mug, get to know more people, go to the nott just because i like it, wait for gaya to arrive next week:) sounds like a plan.

JUDGMENTALISM

2010-03-13T20:57:00.001+08:00

What i do. every one knows it. I dont like being judge. What i do. my family knows it. and thats all that matters. Your really nobody to judge me. but if you choose to, then its your entertainment .

changes and price tags

2010-03-01T16:32:00.001+08:00

I feel the change.

I feel the bigger picture.

I don't necessarily see the bigger picture but i know that there's a bigger one.

And everything else doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter today because it may come tomorrow.

And when it comes, all i have to do is look beyond it and forge on.

And it will be a yesterday.

And yesterday’s don't matter today.

Only today matters.

And today, all i smell is change.

Welcome autumn.

Today was the first day of school. OH SHIT. i think ill get through it. no matter how hard or loud or long i whine. I just have to study. No worries. I'm starting to like this place. And i think it has a lot to do with the independence of moving around on my own. I travel alone yesterday to Selvam mama’s house. I didn't get lost. Brilliant right. A bit of research , a bit of bravery and some a mask to hid my fears is all it takes to be independent. That's all. I think I'm seeing how much different life is. Yeah, you’ll miss home and yeah you don't have anyone to help you out but, you get over it and you cherish these new feelings. I have faith now. a lot of faith. I'm going to get through this. i will make it. Even if i become a popsicle do it. Its the first day of autumn and its bloodyyyy cold! Gonna freeze!

Price tags. how do things seem so cheap and then so expensive. i bought boots for $15 but i need to buy text books that are about $120 each. How now? tsk tsk.

Feel the change. Fear the change. But then just embrace it afterwards. <3

A tom cruise at every level. LOL!

in forever.

2010-02-22T11:47:00.001+08:00

So i reach down under slight under a week ago. I can tell you the place is fantastic. Its everything at the same time. Its hot and its cold. Its green and its blue. Its everything at the same time. But i think saying its easy to be away from home is way different from actually being away from home. In a way Cambodia has given some experience to toughen me up. It was has bad as in way there. But still the homesickness seems to be getting worse with time. The move is awesome. given a choice I'd still want to be here. But its all so overwhelming. permanently suffocating. I need time to breathe. i just need these loads to be removed. And part of the burden is just the unknown.

Its hard. Its not easy. But now i am just going to take one thing at a time. get completely settled in. The apartment feels like home now.

i just realised i haven taken that many pics yet. ok. Time to start!!!

cause I’m just about to set fire to everything i see.

2010-02-02T15:36:00.001+08:00

I'm in the bus now. On my way home from school. This has been the first time ever this year I'm going home alone. Its so funny how we’re so comfortable to something and then when we start a new routine. This routine become like a second skin. So much so that when we slip back into the old routine or even a new one, we feel like we’ve been dropped into a pot of boiling water. Complicated how going home alone gets huh. I wonder if going to Australia will be like getting a second skin or being dropped into a pot of boiling water I think some changes just have to be waited out to be decided the route it takes.

I'm starting to become close to people again. I wonder if that a good thing or a bad thing I know right now some people think its a bad thing because of my terrible time management skills. But I’m hoping it gets better. But am i putting myself up for the hurt like i once i did way back then? Or am i just making sense of life and going with the flow. I know it still hurts when i see my old friends, knowing that they still have their kinship and i don't, it hurts. But this group…It feel different. We’re a little bit more matured and a bit more sensible. But its so freaky when even friendship scares you.

Boy am i super doomed when it comes to relationships? I wonder. I really do.

‘Don't listen to them , its what they know. We need each other to have to hold. They’ll see in time, i know. When destiny calls you, you must be strong. I may not be with you , but you’ve got to hold on.’

I typed that on my way back home yest. nice to have a lappy that can last the short ride home:)

I’m addicted to edge of desire and two is better than one. i love music. da da da-da da da- da da da

‘dont say a word. just come over and lie with me’

Such a typical guy.

2010-01-26T02:02:00.001+08:00

I don't mean my title as compliment :/

Would it kill a guy to shut up when a girl drives.

Never mind that his license hasn’t even arrived.

Never that she’s been driving easily 3 months plus before you got to drive without a ‘L’ plate.

Just because she doesn't drive like you or just because she’s not driving like a F1 racer,

He just has to comment right.

typical guy. tsk.

I just had a thought. If every guy is striving to be un-typical, then, don’t these ‘un-typical’ guys become the typical norm of a guy?

But you still can find your typical bozo of a guy.

p.s I'm not being arrogant. Just venting my frustration.

P.P.S I just cover problem 1 of anatomy. Wtf. 13 days to exams. How fucked am i. I'm gonna sleep now. good night people=)

differences.

2010-01-24T19:35:00.001+08:00

We’ve changed. You and I. We’re no longer the same people we once knew. So basically we’re not that different at all.

so where does that leave us now? Am i supposed to go back to who i was? Am i supposed to be who i am? I know I've changed. Does that mean we cant be the same anymore?

I see you’re rolling your eye. Thinking I'm so fake. I'm so plastic. I know I’ve changed. But do you know that you have too?

We’re not so different. You and I. We’ve just changed and we both are looking for someone else when we look at each other.

i want a stop.

2010-01-23T17:05:00.001+08:00

I want this pain to stop.

I dont know what i did wrong.

I wish i had someone to talk to. Some one who understood me.

you don't understand me anymore. You’re too busy telling me that im not good enough. Al my life. That what you’ve been saying.

I really dont understand what i did wrong.

But i think if i left you’ll be happier. You won’t be reminded on how useless i am.

I’ll never come back. Not if i can help it.

I wish i had someone here. Someone to hold me and tell me everything is ok. Someone who’d let me cry without telling me that I'm bringing bad luck upon them. Someone who’d be there for me. Just someone. But its apparent that i just have no one.

Tera Mujhse Hai Pehle Ka Naata Koi

2010-01-21T15:17:00.001+08:00

Kukis

26th December 2007 – 14 January 2010.

I hope she learns to fight Theodore off her better in heaven:)

I went shopping yesterday. Time is seriously flying. In a months time, ill be somewhere new. nvr thought id see this day so soon.

homesickbeforeileave

2010-01-14T12:13:00.001+08:00

Its a month till i leave.

Am i scared?

Yes.

Am i excited?

Yes.

Am i terrified?

Definitely.

ahhhh. I already feel the homesickness you know. Like so scary. I have everything prepared already. But now just packing.

Oh. btw. I skipped school today. Starbucks with Adele and Gautham. Fun Fun.

Tmr is my mom’s 9th year prayers. Funny how time flies. And when its ten years on, we all would have degrees and do have our driving license. It was a long road but its still amazing how we moved so much and so far and that day so very long ago.

Oh and i went shopping with adele yest. haha.I swear, spending money gives me a high better than chivas.

how many dog’s does it take to change a light bulb?

2010-01-05T00:46:00.001+08:00

Live writer was a bitch and wasnt opening earlier.

GOLDEN RETRIEVER:

The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
BORDER COLLIE:

Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
DACHSHUND:

You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
ROTTWEILER:

Make me.
LAB:

Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
TIBETAN TERRIER:

Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy!
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER:

I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
POODLE:

I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
COCKER SPANIEL:

Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
DOBERMAN:

While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
BOXER:

Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark......
CHIHUAHUA:

Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
IRISH WOLFHOUND:

Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover....
POINTER:

I see it, there it is, there it is, right there....
GREYHOUND:

It isn't moving. Who cares?
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD:

First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle..
OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG:

Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
HOUND DOG:

ZZZZZZzzzzz.z.z.z..z..z..z...z

Its been awhile.

2010-01-02T18:23:00.001+08:00

Firstly, Happy new year all you darling people.

2010 is a new year and i think its going to be great.

but my great grand aunt just passed away.

lifes funny no?

countdown is for 6 weeks.

a choti choti post

2009-12-15T09:13:00.001+08:00

This is a very short post with very random stuff.

I realised driving at 130 is awesome. Its fun fun fun even long distance drives.

I hate A & P 2. HATE.

I had supper with adele and gautham yesterday. Fun! haha.

I leaving for kl in 5 mins. Tecnically the bus is later but im leaving my he in 5 mins. See ya’ll in a weeks time.

toughlittlecookie

2009-12-10T23:24:00.001+08:00

Im hating myself now. My hard hardwork has gone down the drain. All because i have no motivation or discipline. I put back all the weight i loss and i hate it. Its now 11.13 pm , I feel like going for a run but I'm not fancying the dark path tonight. I am going to wake up at 5 and go for a run tomorrow. I must do it. I will do it. I need to get fit.

Ten reasons why i want to be fit.

1) I want to actively take up a sport and i have to be in shape to start

2) I want to be a doctor. I want to preach what i say. And it all starts now.

3) I want to be able to wear skinnys and look skinny

4) I want to know what it feel like to be underweight(long way to go)

5) I want to look good.

6) I want to be able to buy nicer cheaper clothes.

7) I want to be able to wear jeans and have no extras hanging over

8) I don't want to get the WTF look when i dress up

9) I want to ensure i fit nicely into the clothes i bought for aussie.

10) I want to fit my frame

Btw, If any fuckers decide to comment anything nasty, rude, impolite, fucked up or lame; you will get diarrhea for the rest of your life and have insomnia and grow to be be a fat fugly arsehole who'll be so ashamed of daylight that you’d die choking on your own vomit. I mean it.

Any darlings who want to help me please do but in a non insulting way. Like making dates for gymming with me. Saf, didn't you want a gymming partner?

wants

2009-12-07T16:02:00.001+08:00

I feel like having cake. now. maybe ill go meet sheetal for awhile late. If i can get the car. Im fucking exhausted.

and you guys have no fucking diea how present face. drag and drag and drag. fuckers.

shanivaar and ravivaar

2009-12-06T21:54:00.001+08:00

Shanivaar- Saturday

Ravivaar- Sunday

I think this weekend has been my busiest all year. Yesterday i had my fyp presentation. Pics are with geetha and dian so ill post some later. Then i headed to north point and met Andrew and ambigai. Fun fun cept i was still in heels so that was a bit of a headache. But i came home. Changed into jeans and flip flops and i headed to some warehouse along tampines road for a sale. It was Dorothy Perkins, warehouse, top shop and miss Selfridge. It was awesome i say. Yesterday me and Gaya met Farha and went. Headed there again today. After the sale yest we were just slacking at the airport.

anyway more about the sale. I bought 4 tops yest. And 4 tops today. Spent a grand total of … drum roll please… $94. Cheap right. i got this awesome sequin green top for 19 bucks. usual price is $73. Then today i got a flowery corset that is usually $66 also for $19. then i got a lot of basic sweaters and some tops each at $9. so exciting. I love sales.

I've started to bake again recently. Starting to love it again. Made a birthday cake for asvin. It was chocolate brownie layer, famous Amos cookie crust layer , chocolate fudge layer, brownie layer , covered with chocolate icing. Her dream cake la. I just made it. LOL.

FYI, i sprained my wrist doing the logs on the sides.

Today, I made strawberry with whip cream layer butter cake.

zirca

2009-12-03T16:09:00.001+08:00

Went clubbing last night. can i vow to never drink again?! I fell like three times. There were hot guys, lotsa drink and lotsa dancing.

there was a bunch of Norwegian girls there.

Norwegian girl: where ya’ll from???

us : Singapore!

Norwegian girl: But you’re not Chinese!!

WTF.

ishq hua

2009-11-30T15:03:00.001+08:00

my wonder inability to concentrate. bleh

i now love kunal kapoor. hahahahaha. love this song.

Monashmonashmonash

2009-11-29T14:10:00.001+08:00

people. my blog has been dieded for awhile. Its going to stay dieded for awhile. just till hols hopefully. once then ill be done with fyp and ill be done with being busy. mostly. But ill have time to be a frequent blogger again.

anyway; just a small update.

I got into Monash! like i got in! Like I'm confirm leaving for aussie in Feb..

woooohhoooooo.

ok, now this blog is going back to being dieded:)

ishouldntbebloggin but i am.

2009-11-12T14:47:00.001+08:00

I have a UT in a few hours. I'm not prepared. I'm just hoping to get a B. I’m not aiming much for UT 1. I'm just too stressed out by the report. tsk tsk. Hema, you’re such a disappointment.

Anyway, I found a new hottie actor. I think he’s uber hot. First saw him in Sisterhood of the travelling pants 2. The guy who Lena likes for awhile. Now, he seems to be a regular on Grey’s anatomy. Lets hope he stays a regular.

My dear girlfriends; meet Jesse Williams! (guy friends. i dunno, what do you’ll do when you see a hot guy??? NVM, i don't think i want to know)

He cute laaaa.

My teacher is boring the hell out of me. My hands are quivering from the red bull. I think i need more.

busy weeks busy weeks.

Sun, sand, and clear blue water + Birthday

2009-11-10T09:35:00.001+08:00

Langkawi was awesome. I will upload pics soon!

My birthday was good. I had gone to temple, then to school and then went for dinner and watched a movie. It was good. It was nice.

But its also the first year i didn't cut cake in like ever. It felt kinda weird. Up till now. I wanted a cake but i heard them trying to squeeze time to cut a cake so i was like nvm, i don't want cake. and i honestly meant it. We wanted to watch a movie and it’d be so rush. i think i just didn't want to trouble any of them. Making them rush for a ritual that some might find meaning less. But its ok, Maybe ill buy myself a cake on Saturday so i can cut it with my cousin brothers and aunty and we can all share the cake right. haha. I'm a loser. But i don't care.

Its a different feeling. Holding that plastic knife and making your birthday wish. It makes a year complete. Next year i probably wont have a cake. so ill get me my own cake this year when everyone is free:):)

alilholiday!

2009-11-05T22:18:00.001+08:00

I off tomorrow for a little short holiday! For my birthday! LOL. Ill be heading to langkawi for lil sun sand and sea! See you’ll on Sunday night With pictures from my brand new camera!

yes yes. My sisters bought me a camera for my birthday! they rock i say!

see ya!!

Masquerade

2009-11-03T00:10:00.001+08:00

I feel like asking you, what’s with you’re face?

Then i realize there isn't a face.

Its just a mask you use to shield yourself.

And I'm looking into the mirror.

a little bit of fighting spirit.

2009-10-31T02:14:00.001+08:00

I’m sitting here waiting for my cousin, aunt , uncle and grand uncle to show up. I feel like sleeping but i think it’d be nicer to no be groggy when they arrive.

Its been forever since i blogged and i guess this time is the perfect opportunity right.

The routine is the same except i have to work harder for school. I just feel so exhausted and defeated. I gonna start exercising for that too! I think while exercising my mind was more alert and i did better in school. Now I'm just a loserish slacker:/

We all need that fighting spirit. It keeps us going. We have a goal and it help us to forget the shit that happens all around us. To remind us that this is only the journey and not the destination. I want to be a doctor. I am lazy like crap. I just need to remember that Dr. in front of my name. That feel of achieving my target. I need to have it in my face. I cant expect myself to remember it. We all make needless excuses. But this is now. this is here. and we are only going to get one chance. I cant screw this up and i wont. I will study into the night if i have to. I will exercise at midnight if it helps. But this is my chance. Nothing is going to chance that.

Watch me. I know I'm going to be the next best thing.

Its been awhile.

2009-10-22T16:10:00.001+08:00

Its been forever and ever since i blogged! actually a week la. But i feel so weird. Like something im supposed to do but cant.

Haiz. ill blogg more later.,

I just decided that statistics is not my forte.

sad case:/

2009-10-14T12:16:00.001+08:00

NOOOOO!!!!! i just blog so much and it got deleted. sad case.

Maybe i talked to much shit in it. Well ot summarised that is im still sick and i did some shopping yesterday.

blehh.

ily

2009-10-09T20:09:00.001+08:00

‘I love you’ has been worn out but the simplicity of its usage.

Yet those 3 words can direct and dictate the simplicity of our lives.

Which essentially has never been simple.

Does ‘I love you’ even mean anything anymore?